To Let Go ~

TO LET GO ~ 

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means that I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to unable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.

To let go was not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go as not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become whatever dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to feel less and to love more.

Time

I am now in my ninth month of College, more than half way through my first year. Wow where has all the time went? I know everyone says that but I really mean it, where has all the time went? Getting up and doing my school work as just become a way of life now. I have organized it into my days just like anything else. I can remember nine months ago when I was so scared to even start much less even think of finishing someday. 

Although nine months ago I was working a bit more than I am now, and my wallet is starting to feel that difference, but I'm just not getting the calls for work like I use too. I don't understand that because I am one of the most qualified subs the district has. 

I miss it, I miss getting up and going to work and feeling like I am contributing to the family finances instead of just taking from them. But maybe someday after I have my degree I will be able to get a better job than a school district sub. Maybe...

Other than that I have to say things are pretty good right now. My twins are getting ready to finish the 8th grade, my oldest son finally has a job and has paid off all his tickets, got his license back, and is finally back on track. My husband is good, back to coaching baseball again. 

I have enjoyed cooking a lot more lately because it seems when ever I do more people show up to eat it. There really isn't a more pleasurable thing for a Mom than seeing a house full of kids, family and friends full from what ever you have fed them and sitting around enjoying each others company. Ron and I have been so blessed with so many young people in our lives and it just fills my heart to have them here and apart of our everyday lives. 

There really is never enough hours in a day to get everything done that needs to be done, I have  just decided to enjoy everything that I am doing and everyone I am doing it with. 

It makes me a little sad to think how fast the next fours years are going to fly by, and I will be sitting here blogging about the twins graduating from High School. I really really want to enjoy every moment of it, I want us to stop and smell the flowers, take it all in and look up, so that we can remember it all! 

This next week is the unofficial official start of my daughter starting High School. As of March 14th she has Cheerleading Tryouts. And then they graduate 8th Grade in May and David starts Football in June. It is all so exciting I can't wait, the events, the games, the dances, the ups the downs, all of it! I do not want to forgot a second of the adventure we are about to embark on. 

Update as of 3-18-2011 ~ She made the TEAM!!!!!

Please Do Not Steal From Me, I promise I will share.

 

I have recently picked up a few new hobbies. One being amateur photography, two editing those pictures and three learning how to do it all is a hobby in it self! 

 I have always loved taking pictures of everyone around me, never really liked having pictures taken of myself thought. That is until I realized that I wasn't in any of them. How were there ever going to be memories of me if I didn't allow someone to take my pictures? So I now have more pictures with Tamara than I do "with" my first born son. Maybe it's my age but I like to enjoy the memories of the moments. 

This year with the help of my Husband I want to have a picture of me and as many Facebook Friends as possible. 

So I started the year off with a Big Bang! I was off and rolling got a lot of pictures at different family events all the month of January. 

Then it happened...

My pictures were no longer my pictures they were on other peoples posts and pages and tags everywhere except where I had put them! So I took them all down {except for ones with Johnny and Tamara} 

One family member decided she was going to question my decision about sharing my pictures~

Okay People, I take the picture because I enjoy it, I share them because I love everyone that I take a picture of. Please don’t take them and try and pass them off as ours. It is just RUDE.

            February 10 at 5:26pm 

?Robison What the heck are you talking about?

            February 10 at 6:34pm

Cindy Cooper ‎??

            February 10 at 10:28pm

DivaCowgirl  She means don't post the pics as your own on your page and untag her from them.

            February 18 at 6:24pm

Cindy Cooper Oh ok I get it... I totally understand!! I HATE when people do that crap to me to!!

            February 18 at 7:04pm

?Robison Wow. Isn't it called sharing? Play nice Kim.

            February 19 at 11:51am

Kimberley Robison Yes ?Robison I was "sharing" that is why I posted them, to share… But a lot of MY pictures were taken from me and are being passed off as other peoples and I feel it is rude.

            February 19 at 1:41pm

?Robison So I can actually take a pic from u?

            February 19 at 2:42pm

?Robison I think it was me. Good reason though, it's complicated. I am Still kind of new to Facebook too. So sorry didn't mean to do all that! Lol. Wow, everyone just calm down! Haha guess that means I'm not your favorite sister n law anymore? I'm devastated!

            February 19 at 2:52pm

Now although she did so sincerely appolgize to me here she posted this just a few days later on her facebook page after she posted some pictures at her boyfriends dinner ~ 

?Robison Share and share alike! If anyone wants to take my pictures and own them........GO FOR IT! I don't mind and I never will. Life is too short.

            February 27 at 8:54pm

Ron Robison That's why we didn't get an invite

            February 27 at 9:15pm

I don't know what to do or not to do it because it is Ron's family and I really do not want him to lose anyone else, but this whole thing has really hurt me.

So now I have an even bigger challage on my hands because I really want a lot of those pictures up. I have been researching and trying to pick a web site that "does" pictures like the one here on google - picasa 3 or windows live photo but it is a lot of work and for what? 

Really what am I doing all this work for? Nobody out there cares about my pictures but me! Just Kidding I know there are a few people...

So between that and going through and editing the hundreds of pictures from Sissy's Softball and David's Baseball I have quite a task on my hands.

I think my new water maker will be @atruemom what do think?

I'm not going to lie...

So I asked him why he resented me so much that he would cause all of this within the family and he replied, “I don’t, they ask me things and I just tell them, I’m not going to lie about anything.”

My two oldest nieces had a huge fight last week because of me, because I live in my father’s home and parts of the family have taken a pond themselves to make it their business. It doesn’t help that my father chooses to involve anyone that listen in on our daily lives. Things that go on in every home in United States of America, but not everyone have someone announcing it all.

My father has always been an enabler in every relationship he has had. If he is not able to enable then he doesn’t have the relationship. By being an enabler, then everyone else around him can and does pity him. I truly do not think my father could go on living if someone was not feeling sorry for him.

He comes from a different time and is a honorable man that will write you a check for any amount but would never pick up the phone to call you and ask how are you, I miss you or even I love you. Yes it is true, my father has never told me that he loves me, but that’s another blog.

Back to the girls, they had a huge fight because the oldest one voiced her unknowing opinion about our living arrangements, and the younger one voiced her knowing opinion (because she has been here every weekend for 3 months). The argument went on and on, but what I don’t understand is why?  Why does my father have to fuel the fire, why does he have to say things to Christy or Jimmy? Now all this talk and gossiping is now affecting the grandchildren.

So I asked him why he resented me so much that he would cause all of this within the family and he replied, “I don’t, they ask me things and I just tell them, I’m not going to lie about anything.” Then I said, “But Dad what about all the good things about us living here you never talk about that.” He said, “No, because there has never been one good thing about you living here”

As I walked away speechless and crying my eyes out I thought to myself, I promise to never treat my children like that, and then my second thought was how very much I miss my Mom.  

2011 SUPERBOWL

Many have asked how it is I manage to have a team in the Superbowl every year, well let me explain. 

I start off the season as a New York Giants Fan (because that is what my whole family is) Then I move on to who ever bets them, and so on and so on until I am in the Superbowl! I almost didn't make it to the playoff this year because the Colts almost lost the Titans and the Titans were already knocked of the playoffs. But that was the case so Here I am! Another Team in the Superbowl!!!

WEEK	MY TEAM		OTHER TEAM
1	GIANTS	VS.	PANTHERS
2	GIANTS	VS.	COLTS
3	COLTS	VS.	BRONCOS
4	COLTS	VS.	JAGUARS
5	JAGUARS	VS.	BILLS
6	JAGUARS	VS.	TITANS
7	TITANS	VS.	EAGLES
8	TITANS	VS.	CHARGERS
9	CHARGERS	VS.	TEXAS
10	CHARGERS	VS.	BRONCOS
11	CHARGERS	VS.	COLTS
12	CHARGERS	VS.	RAIDERS
13	RAIDERS	VS.	JAGUARS
14	JAGUARS	VS.	COLTS
15	COLTS	VS.	RAIDERS
16	COLTS	VS.	TITANS
17	COLTS	VS.	JETS
18	JETS	VS.	PATRIOTS
19	JETS	VS.	STEELERS
20	STEELERS	VS	PACKERS

Christmas Sucks...,

I am not a religious person, in fact I do not even know exactly what we are suppose to be celebrating and if we are WHY does it require us spending so much money? There seems to be so much put on us emotionally on the holidays, and I Hate it! Like the Rest of the year just doesn't matter!

This year my Husband's other daughter didn't show up because she didn't have a car... my Mother in Law didn't bother to show up because she wasn't invited... Younger Brother didn't show up because he wasn't invited... Older brother decided he needed a break, and took off to Palm Springs... So it was me and my Family and I was very grateful my oldest son was hear to spend the night and day with us, my father, and my two beautiful nieces. It seemed as if we were being haunted by the one's who were not here. The house was happy but at the same time seemed empty.

I am a very black and white person, there is right and there is wrong, it doesn't matter if you are invited, or need a break the holidays are expected to be spent with family, period. In my eyes that is just the way it is. Now do I realize that not everyone in the world is as smart as me, yes I do. I have never been able to put myself before anyone much less before the ones I care about and the fact that they do hurts my heart.

I feel this wall going back up that I have tried so very hard to knock down and by the way, keep down, but it is just easier to build it stronger than to keep fighting to keep it down. I mean really neither brother bother to call, text, or even email me so really what the hell is the point. When I do stop trying neither one of the will even notice, it will just be saving me all the heartache of trying.

So it is not just Christmas that Sucks it is my families prioritizes and their thoughtless actions.But on a positive note I made a GREAT Meal and shared it with Great People who cared enough to spend it with me.

How do you sleep?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bsXRqI1WbI

I logged on today wanting to post somethings that I need to say out loud somewhere, and then I just spent the last hour and half reading someone else blog crying my eyes out so that should set the tone really well for this post.

I actually have a few things I wanted to write about, I wish I would get on here more often and write.

I would like to start with school, for the first time in my life I am really enjoying it. It has taken over my life and is quit the daily challenge but I love it! The best part is that I am also doing pretty well. It takes a lot for me to understand some things but I work really hard and my grades have been my own personal reward. I have a 1000 word essay due in two weeks that has me very stressed, but the way I look at it is, if that is all I have to be stressed about, well then I'm good...

Up next is the Golden Child, remember the one that I lost my mind over this last year, well not a damn thing has changed in his life except the way I handle him. I swear I will go to my grave, Never EVER, enabling him EVER again. I will always love him more than life it self, but I will not continue to be part of him ruining his life.

Last October before his 19th birthday he finally decided to have his own opinion, that did not go over well, as controlling as I had always been over him and since then he has spent the last year trying to find his own space in time. He will, he will because he is a great kid with the biggest heart of almost anyone I know, so I know he will be okay. It's getting him away from people whom still enable him to do nothing with his life, which leads me to my next issue...

I heard a song today which was the inspiration for me wanting to write. Jesse McCartney - How do sleep? It's been about a year now - Ain't seen or heard from you - I been missin' you crazy - How do you how do you sleep - Damn those sweet memories - How do you how do you sleep -

If you never understand one thing about please try and understand that a piece of my heart will always belong to Michael. He was my soul mate, we were meant to spend our lives together but life chose a different path for us, Michael, drugs and 15 years in prison, me - I had our son to rise.

Even through a divorce and a new marriage I still kept Michael in life, he was gone but still in my heart. So when he finally was home our boy was a man, and my soul belonged to another. Because of my craziness and all this drama with our son that I have blamed him for -It's been about a year now, I ain't seen or heard from him, I been missin' him crazy how do you sleep damn those sweet memories, how to you how do sleep?

For 28 years he was there, somewhere he was there. Now there is no contact we may never speak again, but I will always love him and that will never change, I just hope I can stop hating him.

I'm going to call this one in. Hopefully I'll be back soon.