Approval

Well this is a perfect example of the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing... I wrote this following blog last April 21st and though it was posted just found it and realized it was not posted. Okay so now I will post and move on to the next.


I didn't realize how needy I had become, till I saw myself wanting her approval. I lost my mother 13 years ago, I lost one of my grandmothers 10 years ago and the other one 6 years ago, I lost my sister 4 years ago and I have never had a relationship with my evil mother in law. I was very close to both my ex sister in laws and still kinda am with one but it's not the same as it use to be. I've had a couple of really close girl friends but we have went a stray as well.

I didn't realize how much I missed having a "women" figure person in my life, till I was making dinner for my current sister in law and her friends. I wanted her approval so bad, and still don't know why. I seem to be this lost puppy following everything she does, except of course her kick boxing, which proves to me she has to be crazy! She has inspired me in ways she will never even know. She makes me want to be a better person. I just can't figure out why now, why have I latch on to her, like if I let go, I will drown. She has been a part of my life now for almost 10 years, with a couple of up and downs.

I'm confused, I'm sure it has more to do with not having a "women" person in my life, than it does have to do with needing her approval, but I don't understand it.